Seventh: ten years and older stage
Seventh: ten years and older stage:
In this stage the features of independence_ such as the self pride, sticking with his opinion and not hearing for the parents' advices and or disappear clearly on the child , Parents represent the authority and the ties for them. He wants to be librated from what he perceives are ties so he incline more to his friends, open his heart for them and accept from them what he does not from his parents. So we can explain to him by telling some stories which happened with us or with whom we know that Allah the Almighty is the best friend, moreover He is the best friend who reserves the trust, is the best protector and guardian and that the child friendship with Allah does not contradict his friendship with his friends.
Also we should explain to our children that Allah sometimes test the human with trouble or problem to purify, ascend his degrees, and make him closer to Him. It is like the doctor who causes pain to his patient sometimes to protect his health and rescue him from a serious danger.
It is true that this stage is dangerous because it rebuilds the child mentally and intellectually again and it may lead to gross consequences if the child was treated badly during it. What also help the parents to lead their child to the right path is to start with him since the early childhood. So he will not find a big difficult in this stage because they already put the correct base then they continued narrating the plant until it could stand on its' stem.
Now they are adding other effort to their previous effort and the efforts will give its' fruits ) (21)
We can tell them about the great attributes of Allah and explain their meaning to them; Allah is The Most Compassionate, The Merciful, The Loving One, The Pardoner, The Forgiver, The Most Kind, The All-Peaceful, The kindest, The Giver , The Generous, The Provider, The Gentle, The Knower , The All-Knowing, The Judge, The Just, The Equitable, The Truth, The Granter and Accepter of repentance, Owner of the Kingdom, The Light, The Guide, The Patient one. But He is also The Most Strong, The Firm One, The Protector, The Compeller, The Lord of Retribution, who Has the great might , The Bestower of honour, The Humiliator, The withholder, The Expander, The Subduer, The Preventer of harm, The Abaser, The Exalter, The Benefiter, The Afflicter, The Causer of death. It is not enough to only explain the attributes of beauty which spread the impressments and affinity in their souls towards their lord, but also the names of the Almightiness, which make them feel that Allah, the Almighty, has the ability to protect them in the time of need; he is their guardian and protector because he is The preserver, The Strongest, The Omnipotent and The Powerful.
What benefits also with our children in this stage,is the calm aimful conversation,
the powerfulone which means: "hear and comply",
the superficialone which ignores the major topics,
the dead-end conversationwhich says "there is no need for conversation because we will not agree",
the underestimatingconversation ,in which the parent does not see any thing except his/her opinion and underestimates the others,
nor the ivory-tower conversationwhich makes the dialogue revolve around philosophic subjects which are not related to the daily real life.
Positive, healthy and objective dialogueis the one which sees the pros and cons at the same time, and sees the obstacles as well as the ability to overcome them. This is an optimistic dialogue which gives both sides the chance to express and real innovation. It respects the other’s opinion and admits for the certainty of differences between opinions among the humans, and the proper manners of disagreement and welcoming it. This is also a realistic dialogue which connects positively with the daily life, and this connection is not a connection of acceptance and falling under its commands but a connection of understanding, changing and correction. Moreover, this is a dialogue of agreement when agreement is the right decision and disagreement,when disagreement is the right decision because our ultimate goal is to prove the truth whatever it is, and we should not see it with our desires. Above all, it is a dialogue full of love,responsibility, care and self-ignorance (22)
Let us take an example for the positive dialogue from the Islamic history, this dialogue happened in the Battle of Badre when the Muslims gathered to face the disbelievers and the water wells were before them. Here Al-Habbab ibn Al-Monther (may Allah be pleased with him) stood up and asked the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him): "Is this a place that Allah told you to stay at or it is the opinion and war plotting"? The noble Messenger answered: "No, it is the opinion and war plotting ". So Al-Habbab said: "Oh Messenger of Allah, this is not a good place!! ", and suggested that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) should stay in the place where the water wells were behind the Muslims so that the believers would not be able to reach them, and get thirsty. Indeed, the Messenger adopted this right opinion and that was among the factors of victory in that battle.
If we try to analyze this situation, we will find that Al-Habbab ibn Monther was a positive Muslim although he was among the common Muslims and he had excuses to stay silent or stop his thinking. He was a soldier of the Messenger of Allah who receives revelation descending from the skies and there were the major companions of the opinion and consultation. However, all of these excuses did not stop him from using his head, and did not stop him of declaring his right opinion. Nonetheless, he followed the high manners in declaring this opinion and asked first if this place was a revelation from Allah or a human thought. When he knew that it is a human thought, he found that a space for discussing his correct vision, and the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) did not find a problem in taking the opinion of one of the common Muslims. This situation gives us an important impression about the common atmosphere among the Muslims at that time. That atmosphere was full of trust, love, positivism, and giving and accepting the advice.
If the modern democratic systems allow the citizen to say his opinion when he wants to, Islam goes above that where it makes it compulsory upon the human to say his opinion even if he was a soldier from the common people under the flag of the Messenger of Allah upon him the best prayers and the finest peace, and this is the highest levels of free opinion (23).
Through the calm conversation with our children, we can explain that the one who repents is the beloved of the Most Merciful, and that all creatures and beings ask Allah everyday for permission to destroy the son of Adam(the human being) who eats from the givings of Allah the Highest and do not thank Him, but worship other than Him. However, Allah the Glorious keeps telling them: "leave them alone, they are my worshipers, If you created them you would have mercy upon them" and He is the one who says in a Qudsy (Holy) Hadith: "If humans did not sin, He would perish them and bring other creations who sin, repent and then He forgives them" and He is the one who "runs toward His worshiper who walks toward Him" and He is the one who overlooks the mistakes of His worshiper, shelter him, preserve him and provides him in spite of his insistence to disobey Him. He keeps giving him a chance to repent, He is the one who "obliged upon himself with mercy", He is the one who called Himself the Most Merciful, Best Forgiver, Best Provider and Best Supporter, and He is the one who said in His holy book :"Indeed Allah forgives all the sins"!!!
In this stage, we can tell them how Allah supported His beloved among the prophets and the righteous people (24) and tell them about models among the companions and righteous people who loved Allah the Highest and He loved them and took care of their matters. This can be by telling their stories which we find examples for in the known books of Seerah (the history of the prophet-hood) and also in the last half of the lecture "the love of the worshiper for Allah" for the Islamic caller "Amr Khaled" (25) and we can also listen with them to the two lectures: "the love of Allah is the origin of the religion" for Sheikh Ratib Al-Nablsi (26) and "Love of Allah" for Mr. Amr Khaled (27).
We should consider the psychological and faithful situation of the child when we speak about this matter. When we see that he needs hope in the mercy of Allah, we make him desire it; and if we see that he needs what stops him at his limit, we scare him from the punishment of Allah.
-21- How the Muslim raise his child: The Youth stage. A published article on the link: 22-
Dr. "Mohammad Almahdi": Psychological medicine professor in Almansorah University. The positive conversation and its role in limiting the violence
23- The same previous source.
24- The Islamic apostle "Amr Khaled". The trust and The certainty lectures. The first one is from the "Repairing the hearts" chain and the second one is from the "Other lectures" which are found on his website: http://www.forislam.com.
25- The Islamic apostle "Amr Khaled". The lecture of Allah's Love for the slave: one of the lectures of the chain "Repairing the hearts" which is found on his website: http://www.forislam.com.
26- The Sheik Ratib Al-Nablsi: Allah's love is the base of the religion.
27- The Islamic apostle "Amr Khaled". Allah's love, a lecture on the website: http://www.islamway.com.